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rayn_bowh_luvr

I'm crawling into old habits. I'm experiencing anxiety and I feel so insane right now.

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Fools Rush In
rayn_bowh_luvr

I recently tried posting an entry but it didn't show up so I'm not sure if it successfully posted. If it did, I apologize for repeating myself.

I'm supposed to be receiving my GED results within the next couple weeks. I instantly passed the pretest with advanced scores so...hopefully that applies to the actual test results.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

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rayn_bowh_luvr
 Today I'm in a comedy/ black tea mood.

California fields and a Mate Vana/Caramel Rooibos blend. 

I don't really feel happy, but I don't feel sad.
I'm acting happy though.

Yesterday I finally finished the poem inspired by a bisexual friend.
Idk if it was good or not I just didn't care that much...as long as I finished it after like ten months lol.

I'm hungry. Abnormally hungry.

Watching pregnant people in Baby Mama eating everything doesn't help much...

An issue that's been bugging me is...well people talking to me and they seem so cool...and then all of the sudden they're turning the subject around to wanting to date me or something or wanting something more than friendship. What the fuck!? We were just having this nice conversation, we have a lot in common...why are you ruining it by turning the conversation into dating me and wanting me to be their girlfriend in the future...

I either get a bipolar friend who ditches me and hurts me or someone who either wants to be with me or fuck and ruin everything.

I seriously like..have no friends :/

Maybe I'm seeing someone, maybe the love of my life committed suicide, maybe I got out of a bad relationship and I just don't want to see nor touch anyone else.


I do have animals, and I do have my writing and books. So I guess I won;t ever be completely lonely. Still nice to have someone I have something in common with to talk to.

Baby Mama keeps making me laugh and distracting me from typing so yeah...
xRayn

Happiness is a Warm Gun
rayn_bowh_luvr
 Is it gross that I've been wearing the same shirt without washing it since Saturday?(well I took it off for the day on Tuesday but I put it back on that night)

It's not my fault I just adore it!

I might be getting a robo hamster :3 I want the blond girl one that's insane just like me and squeezes herself into tiny places....hehehe

I made the perfect pot of Roobios Tropica/Dragon Phoenix pearls this morning...which is hard to do since I don't exactly have a way to measure the temperature. I just took the kettle off the stove when it starts steaming, before it starts whistling and then I steeped it for only a minute...and I just brewed the batch a second time and it came out perfect once again^-^

I'm currently listening to Pandora Radio. I made a station from the acoustic version of Creep by Radiohead.

I've been neglecting my writings for the past three or four days. I'm poo aren't I? No wonder my mood has been unstable...I get like this when I don't just get it out. It's squirting here and there -_-

I'm upset because my mother lost her season 3 of Dexter D:< I need my dosage!!!!! It calms me....is that disturbing? I need my serial killer and blooood!

I'm also upset because I finished season 1 of Being Human, a verrrrry addicting show, and season 2 is still on the air. It's the kind of show where if you randomly watch it and you didn't start from episode one, you're going to hate it....or if someone just tells you about it you won't be very interested....But oh my George....It is soooooo amazing and addicting.

New addictions:Dexter, True Blood, Being Human, Penderecki String Quartet, California Fields tea, and Herbalife Protein shakes in French Vanilla.(I sort of have no choice with that last one there but whatever.)

I wish I had an endless supply of those Indian entrees by Amy's....Fucking NOM NOM NOM....mmmmm

oh and I like this thing alot ಠ_ಠ.... I will say something simple and then post that face and I...cannot stop laughing for like half an hour.

xRayn

(no subject)
rayn_bowh_luvr
 My tea junky ways are growing....and spreading to other people. lol

All Raul and I ever talk about is tea. Steeping time. How many brews till a batch goes bad. Tea storage. Tea sweeteners. Tea pots. How certain teapots can effect the tea's taste. What to do while drinking tea. High quality tea. Low quality tea. Smooth tea. Spicy tea. Tea temperature. Tea cups.

Obsessed much?

I basically fill myself up with tea so I won't want to eat what I shouldn't eat. All day, I'll make pot after pot of tea. and certain types make me want to watch certain shows or movies and make me want to go to certain places and do certain things.

And I pee all the time. Every 13 minutes. 21 if I pause at making tea pots of tea.

xRachel

(no subject)
rayn_bowh_luvr
 I relapsed.
I feel...weird...

and I don't know if it was a dream...but I had these images of skin in my head...
I blacked out so...I'm not sure...

(no subject)
rayn_bowh_luvr
 My inspiration for writing has magically came back...but I haven't posted any of them online but one...
I used to journal everyday too...and now I'm starting that again.

I'm worried about the tea party today...the scones...the tofu casserole...and I can't get any exercise today...But I will work my ass off at the gym tomorrow. an hour on the strider and half an hour on the bike and then weights and lots of walking.

I'm happy that I'm finally gaining control over my life.

I just realized it's been about a week since I've done any drugs and I haven't even missed them or craved them... I can't believe I haven't even noticed this!

rather than the image of me in the flowy white dress and my hair matted and tangles and dirt and blood caked on the dress, my arms, legs, and face standing on the edge of the cliff craving to jump over... The image of me in a clean flowy white dress with my hair free, my skin glowing and feeling fresh, walking in the sand taking in the sea breeze is constant in my mind...I know something like that seems weird...but that's how it's always been.

I feel organic. I feel clean.

(no subject)
rayn_bowh_luvr

I don't know why....but I want to take a shower....and then I'll take another one tonight...why? I FEEL DIRTY AND GROSS!!!!

YOU WILL NOT VOMIT FAT ASSSS!!!


(no subject)
rayn_bowh_luvr
I feel like.....shiat.
I had soooooo many effing carbs yesterday!
Why Why Why Why Why Why
ugh
I'm a fat ass mother fucker.
I don't even get to exercise today of all days
:/
St.augustine Tomorrow.
Getting a new phone tonight...but who the eff am I even going to text?

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rayn_bowh_luvr

http://caloriecount.about.com/

?

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